But, while people cannot be perfect... books can be.
I stopped reading. Okay, I occassionally skim magazine articles... and glance at the new titles in local bookstores. But for the most part. I stopped reading.
The truth is I am pregnant and I do not know anything about children.
The truth is, that I found something that I love more than fiction, more than poetry... more than the uttered truth, and that is Harper.
Harper what? people ask. Probably Harper Giovanni or Harper Evette. That is still to be determined.
I am in my nineth month of pregnancy. Sometimes the only thing that makes me smile, is my daughter moving, searching and growing in my abdomen.
I am not pregnant. I have never been loved by a man. Oh sure, I have loved -- but I have never been in love. I have never been courted.
I do not expect to be.
This is not how babies are supposed to be born into the world.
I finally have a place of my own. Simply, a room of my own. Some would argue it is all I need. Three white walls, one red. A red desk, red chair and red shelf. Two Pink and two red picture frames, all empty, awaiting Harper's smile. A moses basket from my sister in law. A bed thanks to my housemates. A place of my own.
I am very excited about being a mother. I never thought I would actually be. I never wanted or expected to have a child out of wedlock. And, I never expected that any man would actually love me enough to have a child with me. Honestly, I never thought any man would be able stand me enough to have sex more than once. Because my sex life is scattered, random, adventurous and rare -- I figured the chances of me getting pregnant, ever, before menopause was highly unlikely.
And so, since here I am. And as I type, Harper adjusts herself to her own comfort. Since we are here, both mother and daughter, sharing this room. I figure this is meant to be. I figure, Harper is meant to be here. I figure she has a few things that she would like to teach me.
I am excited and eager to meet Miss Harper. While I am glad that my mother has not witnessed my downfall, I truly with my mother was here to see her first granddaughter being born.
It's amazing how much you can love someone who you have never seen.
