Foolish Lies to Self

Over Christmas, or perhaps actually 2-3 days before, someone asked me if I still wrote poetry. Perhaps he knew the answer, but was nice enough to initiate a conversation I am usually too quiet to engage in.

He asked me what my poetry was about. "Black people," is my usual response. He asked if it was about waking Black people up?

After considering it, I told him that I could not write poetry -- if I can't figure out what's going on in my own life, my own history.

I do not even know the proper date. Everyone is on one accord except the small child who rolls her eyes and says, "It's not New Years". I laugh inside because that would have been me. Then, at her age. Or, now -- if I was on the other side of knowing.

So, I have been evaluating the lies that I tell myself.

1. "There must have been something I could have done to prevent this". For those listening this is my most repeated mental mantra.

2. "I need to get my life together." This is my most repeated verbal mantra. This not a lie due to its falsity but perhaps improbability.

3. ...anything dealing with Birthdays, a Birthday Party, Santa or Christmas.

4. If I just finish a screenplay or book people will respect me. (While I've never said these words -- this premise underlines all of my thoughts.)

5. After this is over, a man will love me, respect me, appreciate me. Or at the very least, put up with me. (Of all those listed, I've stop telling myself this lie... because there are far too many single black women who would be better suited to date or marry any man wasting time underwater sports-fishing (or drowning) with me.)


I read once that only a fool laughs when nothing is funny.
I read once that only a fool cannot see beyond his own nose.